The "No Game" Approach To Meeting Women

Many young, college age men have pondered the question of how to successfully meet and impress the women they desire and have come to a similar conclusion: You need to have "Game".

This statement implies that you need some strategy, some angle, some unique, calculated approach if you hope to be successful in convincing a beautiful woman to go on a date with you. "You can't just be yourself", many would say, "You have to have Game!" This approach prescribes behaving almost entirely different around women than you normally would, always having a slick line and impressive story on hand in the event that conversation should arise.

I find a different approach to be far healthier and more effective in tackling the same question. I call it, "The No Game Approach".

First, calling it "No Game" is confusing, because when people say someone has "no game" they usually mean the person is awkward and tends to freeze up around women. A new title for the approach would be needed to avoid such confusion. When I say you should have "No Game", I mean that you should remain true to your own identity when meeting women. Do not attempt to use convoluted angles that your buddies swear will work. Be yourself, use your style of interpersonal interaction, use your humor, etc.

Second, it is a much longer, more involved approach and thus, requires you to have actual interest in a woman beyond just a passing sexual urge. Someone "running game" might be able to get a woman at a bar or club to go home with him after a night of praising her beauty and grossly exaggerating his own status in life. In contrast, someone without game gets a woman by meeting her in a workplace, school or some other neutral environment, and slowly builds a foundation of genuine friendship. Through a succession of conversation and multiple exchanges, he builds upon this friendship until one day, perhaps weeks or even months later, a romance is built on the foundation of this friendship.

The problem that many men find in the "No Game" approach is that it requires of them the courage to be completely comfortable in being themselves. Increased use of wit aside, attempting to get the girl of your desire without game demands that you are genuine and honest in your formation of a friendship and any possible relationship with her. Over-embellishing achievements, lying about your past, greatly over stating the money you make, or altering your expression of personality in any significant way means that you are playing a game with her. This is difficult for many men, as they assume that they need to be especially smooth when meeting women. Many men are insecure, believing that their true self is too "boring" or "average" to impress a woman. This style of thinking often leads men to formulate all sorts of crazy "angles" for impressing women. They often alter clothing, behavior, humor, facts about their life, occupation, social and economic status, language, and a whole lot more, all with the intent of appearing more attractive and desirable to the opposite sex.

Sociobiology has a lot to say about this matter. Due in part to unbalanced parental involvement, women realize that if they get pregnant, they are the ones that are pregnant. The man has no biological obligation to be involved in the child's life. The woman is the one who must bear the child for nine months, birth the child, and care for the child for a great number of years. Women can successfully do all of this with no male involvement, however since the desire to ensure that your genes get passed into the next generation exists subconsciously in all of us, the survival and reproduction of her children is of utmost importance. Since the dawn of man, women have learned that it would be much easier if they had a man to help them in this great task.

Imagine women far back in the history of our species living on the plains or in the jungles of Africa. There was no day-care, no school she could drop the kids off at before going to work. She had to constantly be with her children. There existed two serious problems if the man involved in child raising was weak or disappeared. How will she hunt and gather food with two children to look after? How will she defend them against predators that are stronger than she is? Certainly the presence of a strong man to go out and hunt for food while she took care of her young, or to defend against attacks on his family, would increase the chance of her young's good health and survival.

This is where sociobiology steps in and gives us the "Marketplace Theory of Attraction." Women are said to inherit criteria for a male partner that bears some control over whom they are attracted to. In general, women tend prefer a man who is physically fit and has a substantial amount of resources to provide for her and her children. We see examples of this everywhere, specifically in the media. TV shows such as Sex and The City feature the main female characters discussing what they find attractive in men, and a common theme is money and power. Over the eons of time, men have likely picked up on the tendency of women to be generally attracted to these traits and thus have consistently tried to emulate what they believe a woman is looking for.

All of this begs the question: If sociobiology is correct in stating that women are naturally attracted to physical fitness, money and power because of inherited mating criteria, what is a man to do about? To this I reply: Absolutely nothing. It is important to understand that, while sociobiology may explain general trends of women tending toward common themes in men, there is much more that goes into successful courtship. Human attraction is a deeply involved process, involving many seemingly unknown mental processes. Although sociobiology can offer an explanation of the woman who marries the rich businessman even though she does not particularly like him, it has trouble explaining the woman who falls deeply in love with a very poor artist living in a studio apartment. The point is that most people have something unique to offer, something about them that will attract a suitable partner. Much of human attraction remains unexplained, and the subtle nuances of your unique personality will likely be what your eventual partner finds most attractive about you. Attempting to come off as someone you believe to be more attractive to women, but who is contrary to your actual identity, will only lead to disappointment and confusion.

Such behavior is doomed in concept as well as in practice. It is essential to realize that no serious relationship can ever be maintained this way. Even if you could maintain the facade over the long term (which, unless you possess sociopathic traits, you will not be able to,) why would you want to do this? Such a relationship would require constant work, always acting a role and pretending to be someone you are not. Projected into the future, this type of relationship will rob you of true intimacy and leave you feeling empty and alone, even with your girl by your side.

Any relationship built on "game" is destined to fail because it stands on little more than false perceptions of the other person that will eventually be shown for what they are. Any man who is serious about trying to meet women must understand this fact: There is no "Game" when it comes to meeting women. Women want expect the real you, just as you expect the real them. It is far better to be liked for who you really are than who you pretend to be. The day that you gain the courage to express your true self will be a day of great realization to you.